The Continuing Chronicles of the Awesomeness of Jon Stewart

So, uh…you guys see this?

I have no idea why Trump would say something like that where people can hear him, other than that he’s a sad, attention-whoring, anti-Semitic troll of dickery. (I mean, you kind of want to just stick him in a corner for time-out and take away his dessert.) I almost don’t want to talk about this and give him more attention, but the rest of this story is so, so delicious and I can’t help myself. Still, here’s the thing. While I do understand that Jon Stewart has – well, I think the appropriate term here is “eviscerated in the Biblical sense” – Trump in the past, why oh why oh why would that carrot-headed moron think it was in any way a good idea to pick a fight with Jon Motherfucking Stewart?

Here is the rest of the clip, and I seriously recommend you watch it; it’s extraordinary.

You know what I love about this clip? First of all, just to show how supremely unimportant this whole mess is, he waited a week to say anything about it. Then, when he finally does bring it up, he doesn’t even give Trump an entire segment. He spends four minutes talking about some other lunatic, then tacks on a zinger almost as an afterthought. There’s no anger in his voice, just some irritation at having to deal with this imbecile and a small, wry smile that says “Oh, you silly little man, you don’t know what you got yourself into.” Maybe it’s not the most sophisticated of quips, but it doesn’t have to be. I would much prefer the Daily Show writers save their scathing wit and caustic observation and delicate towers of humorous frustration for, you know, things that matter. Honestly, if the Daily Show writers had spent more than five minutes on orange face (basically what I’m saying is, homeboy needs to lay off the spray tan), I would have been disappointed, because if there was ever a cause that was not worth it, it was this one.

So then, of course, Trump threw a temper tantrum, and, again, I cannot stress strongly enough how much I wish someone would (a) remind him that people can see him when he does stuff like this or (b) send him to his room and throw his laptop in a trash compactor.

But anyway, let’s consider this piece by piece:

Yeah, I can’t imagine what a loser someone would have to be to have an emotional reaction to something someone else says on the Internet.

Well, we can’t all be expected to hold to the same high intellectual standards of Twitter usage as yourself, sir.

Wait, I’m confused – is he “above it all” or is he “legit?” You see, “above it all” would seem to refer to a sense of superiority, and “legit,” though not, in and of itself, actually a word, suggests a sense of solidarity with the common folk. Therefore, one cannot be both “above it all” and “legit,” as the very act of being one precludes the other – one cannot be both superior to and count oneself among the masses. Unless, of course, this is a post-modern meta-statement on the process by which the hipster employs irony to exist both within and without the mainstream, in which case Trump might be on to a genuinely intriguing facet of our contemporary cultural landscape, but I’m still not sure what any of this has to do with Stewart changing his last name.

Um, have you seen the history of the Jewish people? Most of us deal with it through copious amounts of Manischewitz and denial.

Oh, well then in that case, your bigotry and idiocy are totally justified, my mistake.

But you know what the best part is? The best part is, after they’d let Trump flail for a few hours, this happened:

I just – wow. Can we all just take a moment to admire the sheer beauty of what happened here? I just…I kind of want to frame it, guys. This combination of self-deprecation, dissitude, and why-the-hell-does-he-think-he’s-still-relevant is just sublime, a perfect reaction to a troglodyte someone accidentally pointed in the direction of a monitor.

I think what Trump forgot is that Jon Stewart is a comedian. A very, very smart comedian. A very, very smart comedian with a television show and a dedicated team of writers who are also very, very smart and very, very funny. And Trump is…well, in this scenario, he’s some guy with a Twitter account and a woeful lack of preparedness. And seriously, rule one of starting arguments on the Internet is don’t screw with a comedian, particularly a respected and talented one with a loyal and occasionally cult-like fanbase, because you won’t lose so much as go up in a fiery explosion of hatred and ineptitude.

I mean, what the hell did Trump think would happen? Even if you disregard everything about Stewart himself, people tend not to take too kindly to anti-Semitisim these days, even of the implied, I’m-too-much-of-a-fucking-wuss-to-come-out-and-actually-say-it variety. My people tend to be kind of sensitive about that sort of thing. But I guess the real problem in my reasoning is that I’m assuming that Trump thought. He doesn’t think, and we as a society should never have mistaken him for someone who has that capacity. I mean, let’s just all take a moment to appreciate the fact that this is a guy who had a serious shot at being President, and the best he can do is take cheap shots at a late-night talk show host on Twitter. You know what that is? That’s not hate, that’s not even stupidity – that’s desperation.

So, yeah, we should probably all just stick our fingers in our ears and go “la la la” whenever he says anything, and the rest of the time just try to forget he exists. But let’s be honest here – that’s a hell of a lot easier said than done. Because, yes, Trump is a moron – and holy crap is it entertaining. Granted, he thinks we’re laughing with him, but it’s a small enough distinction. But that’s why the tactic Jon Stewart and the Daily Show took with him was so perfect – blunt, direct, and a whole lot smarter than he even knew existed. You can’t engage with people like Donald Trump, because, as anyone who’s ever tried to talk sense into an Internet troll has discovered, normal rules of human conversation do not apply. But you also can’t just ignore them, because there is a point of trollish douchebottery beyond which letting them win is simply not an option. And let’s be honest here – there is really nothing quite so satisfying as seeing Jon Stewart put a raving bigoted asshat in his place. So sure, while the healthier route would probably be suffocating him into oblivion, screwing around with a moron who so clearly desires it is just too damn fun.

Anyway, I don’t say this to people often, so please appreciate the rarity and vehemence of the sentiment that’s going into it: Fuck you, Donald Trump.

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